in middle school my friend used to give me these huge lemons to eat because they were delicious and one time i was eating one and some idiot told me he’d give me ten bucks to take a huge bite and another kid added five so i got 15 american dollar for doing what i was already doing truly this is the land of opportunity
(via weakdrunkhearts)
48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
(via mustbedre4ming)
If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you
Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it
Good luck figuring out which one
(Source: nontarian, via weakdrunkhearts)
btw at dinner tn my mom said harry styles looks like a monkey and my brother looked her in the eyes and said “these meatballs are shitty and youre fucking rude”
(via weakdrunkhearts)
it’s kinda funny how when you get older you start to enjoy the things you hated as a kid like taking naps and getting spanked
the second one was kind of unexpected
but no one is disagreeing
(via han-rawr)
